You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
