I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
