Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
