well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
