It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
