i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
