she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
