I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
