Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
