When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
