But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
