Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize