the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
