if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
