i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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