mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
