"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
then he tried to convert me to islam
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
