i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
