Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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