Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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