Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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