I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
