Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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