they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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