Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
