i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
