Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
