the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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