I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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