After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my liver is dry heaving
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
