Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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