I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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