i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
birth control should be required to get into college
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
