It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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