She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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