ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
