you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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