yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
