We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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