when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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