I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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