tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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