When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
