you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
