Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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