(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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