god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
