her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
