im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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