i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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