I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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