i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
