also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
