You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
