Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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