i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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