i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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