Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
