do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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