Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
