A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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