On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
