I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
