3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
