Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
false alarm. still invincible.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
