quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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