At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
