I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
